The problem with Jennifer Lopez

This week Jenny from the block celebrated her 40 something birthday. Happy Birthday J – I know you’re an avid reader of my blog. Hope you had a great day with your little moppets and your new man. From one MOT (mother of twins) to another I send you all my love and admiration. I was never fooled by the rocks that you got. I know who you are. Much love.
Or at least that’s what I’d like to say to Jennifer if in some parallel universe we were besties. Unfortunately that will never happen. And its not for the reasons you might think. You know her being in L.A, me in Melbourne. Her being an awesome performer, me simply being awesome. No, none of those reasons matter. They can all be overlooked. The reason J-Lo and I can never be tight is because she’s too attractive. Yes, I’m serious. You see I have issues with women like J-Lo and Jessica Alba and Mariska Hargitay (Law and Order).

These women are so attractive that it kind of negates all their other great qualities. Yes J-Lo is a great dancer, singer, mother, flicker of hair but all that doesn’t matter. I couldn’t watch American Idol when she was one of the judges because everytime her face came on the screen I forgot all else that was happening. The only thoughts running through my head were – for God’s sake- she is breathtakingly stunning! I love her make up! Her hair is perfection! I wonder whose jacket she’s wearing? And the list goes on. So I stopped watching Idol- it was pointless. All that I got week after week was a growing obsession for hoop earrings.

So here’s a little album I put together in honour of Jenny. The first pic is simply titled Jenny with bangs wearing a striped top.

Here’s Jenny when she married her back up dancer Cris Judd. This was never going to work. You should never marry someone simply because they dance behind you. If only Britney Spears had taken notes – she wouldn’t have married that train wreck called Kevin Federline. She should’ve stuck with a dancing partner that was her equal – Justin Timberlake. Now he definitely would’ve bought your sexy back Brit.

Ahhh…yes…here was a pairing that had disaster written ALL over it. Never, ever, ever date a man who likes you to dress as though you’re about to go in for open-heart surgery. Ever.Β Cute hair though.

And who could forget Bennifer? This was a rebound affair if ever I saw one. Let me clean up my image from P-Diddy by dating the most boring man in Hollywood. Perfect- hi Ben! Pity Ben was always looking for the exit…

Here we have Jennifer and Marc Anthony. Despite their apparent similarities- both latino, both singers, both think they can dance – this marriage wasn’t meant to be either. Even I believed this was the one for Jen- I mean why else would you dress up as Priscilla Presley for your wedding day if you didn’t truly love your man?

I love this photo of Jennifer and her twins. It’s so fresh and Gucci cute. In fact I have a photo very similar to that of the boys and I – with one HUGE difference of course- I’m wearing hoops. x

6 Comments

  1. Casey

    Ha ha, love this one. She’s in my husband’s top five, which is why I could never be friends with her either. So Jenny, it seems Richmond’s out for you honey…

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