Struggling to conceive- what not to say.

As many of you are probably aware, the topic of IVF and infertility is one very close to my heart. My husband and I battled so hard to get to where we are today – the proud parents of twin boys. It was a struggle that at times seemed never ending. The endless doctor’s appointments, ultrasounds and injections. Through it all we had a great support network who rallied behind us and were always there through the ups and downs. This isn’t a post about them though, it’s one about the people that seem to always have their foot in their mouth. The ones who made me want to scream. The ones who made me want to punch them. This post is all about what NOT to say to a couple that is struggling to conceive or going through IVF. In no particular order:

1) “Don’t you guys want kids? How come you haven’t had any yet?” Chances are they want kids more than life itself and your question does nothing to make them feel better.

2) “I just had to look at my husband and got pregnant!” Yipee for you.

3) “Are you having sex at the right time?” I don’t know, is ALL the time the right time?

4) “Think of all the things you can do if you don’t have kids!” While this statement may be coming from a good place all it does is highlight how much I’m desperately trying to have a life that includes kids.

5) “It will happen when it happens.” Thanks Buddha.

6) “Some people just aren’t meant to be parents.” Yes, this was uttered to me by a parent who should’ve known better. If this statement were true, then Teen Mom would not be on TV.

7)ย “Do you pray enough?” Yeah, for lightning to hit you right about now.

8)ย “Don’t think about it. Just relax. Go on a holiday or something.” Do I really have to explain this one? Telling me to relax stresses me out more than you know. And going on a holiday only helps me work on my tan. It does not cure me of infertility.

If you are someone who is struggling to conceive and is dealing with comments like these all I can say is sometimes dealing with stupid is just as hard as dealing with infertility. It will pass. If you’re someone who doesn’t know what to say to a friend who is struggling to fall pregnant, my best advice is to say nothing. Just listen. Let her talk. Sometimes all you want is a sounding board. And a coffee, make sure there is always coffee. X


Monash IVF is located in Melbourne and offers a range of services from counselling to obstetricians. You can contact them on (03) 9429 9188. If you have any questions or just want to share your story I’d love to hear it. Feel free to comment here or shoot me an email on


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